The divorce process has left you feeling fragile, confused, and emotionally drained. You've said goodbye to the life you lived, the person you vowed to love until death, and the person you once were.
But the hard part is over. The dust has settled. The tears, lawyers, and final settlement are behind you. Now, it’s time to create a new and improved life for yourself. You're about to get that post-divorce glow-up – if you allow your new self to bloom. You’re moving on, exploring a new and exciting phase of life — and that deserves some reinvention.
Remembering who you are
Where do you start? Who were you before you got married? Is that person buried under so many layers of your married identity that you’re not even sure if you can find them again?
Remembering who you are apart from your marriage will take time. The simple process of changing your name may be a good new beginning. With a little patience and a lot of self-compassion, you can begin creating a new life that genuinely reflects who you are and who you want to be in the future.
Get visual
Goal-setting provides structure and motivation, and a vision board is a perfect way to keep your goals in front of you.
What do you want your new life to look like? With a little cut-and-paste and a good dose of creative imagination, a vision board offers a way to make your goals visible and dynamic. As your goals change, you can change the board. Put it up where you can’t miss it. It can be energizing and motivating to see what you envision for your future best life every time you turn a corner.
Get healthy
Chances are, your divorce took a toll on your physical health. Stress, sadness, anger, and haphazard eating may have sent cascading chemical messages through your body, right down to your cells. It’s time to send your cells new messages.
Pay attention to what you eat, and log it into an app that can keep all your information in one place. Look up new healthy recipes, and learn to cook them. Not much of a cook? Try one of the many meal subscriptions available now, some with special dietary offerings.
Physical activity is a salve, too. Move. Hike. Run. Join a dance class. Join a walking group. Keep track of your steps. Make it a game, and before you know it, nurturing your own well-being will become a habit you look forward to.
Get therapy or other support
You may still need to process everything you’ve been through and make sense of things so you can move on.
Health isn’t only physical. Your mental health also may have suffered during your divorce. Find a good mental health professional, divorce coach, divorce support group, or just a good supportive friend who can help you stay positive and be there when you’re having the inevitable bad day or difficult time.
Everyone needs a good support system. Read Divorce Support Groups and Coping With Divorce.
Make some changes
Everyday habits
When you envision your best life, what are you doing? What things bring a smile to your face? How does it look and feel?
Have you considered returning to school to embark on a new career? Do you want to try your hand at a new hobby? Painting? Kayaking? Yoga? Rock climbing?
Although every new thing can take a good amount of courage, take a small first step. Look up class schedules. Envision what it would look and feel like to walk in the door and sign up. Make a list of any other small steps it might take to get you in the door, and do one step at a time.
Change up your looks
You may not be unhappy with the way you look, but chances are, after a divorce, you may be craving some changes. Your new life deserves a little reinvention, even if the changes are small ones that nobody else sees.
Tattoo? Piercing? New sexy underwear? Nobody else has to know that you’re celebrating. How about indulging in some fresh new makeup that can’t be bought at the local supermarket or treating yourself to a few new wardrobe pieces that will make you feel over-the-top confident?
Your environment
After divorce, the last thing you want is to come home to a place that constantly reminds you of your ex-spouse and the end of your marriage.
You don’t have to take on a large redecoration project. Small changes can make a big impact. Take down old photos, and tuck them away in the closet. Refresh your space with new plants, rugs, and throw pillows. Buy cheerful new dishes.
A fresh re-do of the bedroom is a must, even if it's only a new duvet cover, sheets, and a little furniture rearranging. Before you know it, your home will reflect you, not your marriage.
Your attitude
Divorce is stressful, and you may not have had the free time and space for real relaxation.
Listen closely to the silence. Learn to meditate. Book a massage. Take a short hike in the woods. Take a blanket to the beach, feeling your toes in the sand and the sun on your face. Read a good book. Watch a movie that makes you laugh.
You may have to practice enjoying life at first, but the negative emotions of divorce will begin to lose their hold. As it does, it will crack open the door to a new life just waiting for you.
Divorce can shake up your world as few other life changes can. But there is one advantage: You now have the space to do what makes you feel happy and strong without having to worry about your spouse. At Hello Divorce, it’s our mission to turn divorce on its head. While divorce is never fun, it can present some important positives and essential self-growth.
Let us help. Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter, or check out our library of helpful resources to understand how divorce can play out. When you have critical information and understand your options, it’s easier to keep everything in perspective.
Have more questions? Schedule a free 15-minute phone call.
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What Does Life After Divorce Have in Store for You? Start Your Next Chapter Today.
Suggested: What Is a Divorce Coach, and Do I Need One?
